I am going to digress a bit. I have been drug (illegal drugs) free since 1985 and alcohol free since 2002. I cannot tell you the number of days or the exact date I became clean, I just know that I am. I never voiced out loud the fact that I am an addict and an alcoholic until 2007. I was ashamed and afraid that people would think less of me if they knew and I was afraid that I would lose my job. Since I was in denial about my addictions, when I did stop, I did it alone and that was wrong. I should have gone to AA or gotten help from some source. But being the stubborn, bull headed person I was, I had to be strong and do it by myself to prove to me that I could overcome those addictions. How’s that for being egotistical. I have never been a person that could ask for help when I really needed it. I had a persona to maintain as being the strong one because everyone told me I was the strong one. If I asked for help they would see me as weak and I could not let that happen. We all need help and encouragement from people who understand addictions and only someone that has an addiction can understand the feelings we have. What I am trying to say is do not go it alone, reach out for help and support.
This is a place to write about my addictions and their madness. I hope that by writing this journal, it may help others during their recovery and know that when I say I understand, I do.
3 comments:
I'm glad you make it, even without AA.
So, how are you Sylvia? Hope you're in the best of health. Hopefully, we can IM each other again soon.
I like your admission.. we all have to pay the heavy price of admission and I am glad you've made your beginning. I agree that beating addiction or arresting its activity is something best done with the help, love, understanding and support of those who have been able to arrest it themselves a day at a time.
:-) peace and hugs!
Thanks for sharing..."Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point . We asked His protection and care with complete abandon." BB pg 59.
Welcome again to the open arms of AA. We have to find our own bottom before we can truley arrest this DZ. Thanks for being here today for me.
peace
Hugs kisses
Steve
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