This is in no way intended to minimize Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) or Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). You see, I am somewhere between these two. I have never been to a war to defend our country, only a war to defend myself. You cannot imagine the stress caused by someone standing over you with a knife saying, “I will kill you” if you do not do what I say. You cannot imagine being told how easy it would be to kill you while you sleep. You cannot imagine what it is like to be told, “I will stab you in the back and ram the knife all the way through to your chest while you sleep”. You cannot imagine what is feels like to have someone attempt to choke you. You cannot imagine what is feels like to be kicked, pushed, shoved, hit, hair pulled, knocked down, yelled at, told how worthless and rotten you are. You cannot imagine what it is like to be told “I will hunt you down and kill you, if you leave”. You cannot imagine the fear I felt and still feel at times. I do not have to imagine, because these things happened to me.
On September 14, 2007, I found the courage to escape for the third and final time. I will never go back to these things, no matter what. I will not be taken in again by his cunning ways. And if he does hunt me down and kill me so be it. I am not completely free of these things today, but it will not be long before I am. All things take time and I have time.
4 comments:
you are one helluva courageous woman!!!!
Thanks Sylvia for the comments. I'm kinda busy myself too. As you can see nobody leave any comment anymore on my blog. My own fault - I stopped doing any blog-stalking to all our friends lately.
Anyway, after reading your post, I agree with our SA friend, Shadow said. You are one helluva courageous woman!!!!
Hi Sylvia,
Thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving a comment. I appreciate your viewpoint. From what I have read here it sounds to me as though you are a person who could end up with PTSD. I am what they call a counselor in training meaning I am in school (yes again at my age) studying to be a counselor and it so happens last week was this topic in my crisis intervention class. Anyway, I too have two different blogs (one family genealogy) and of course one about addiction. I am very interested in domestic violence and its relationship to drugs/alcohol abuse. My goal is to work empowering women especially those who suffer substance abuse/domestic violence. I really have enjoyed your writing and will return for another visit soon.
I used to call this thing my mother did her "killing face" and my family thought I was so cute to dub it that. But it wasn't funny to me when she was choking me with that wild look in her eyes.
I have been in similar places to you, and sometimes I feel ashamed because I don't know why I let myself get there. Taking back what they stole is an arduous process. One worth going through, I think.
I'm glad you're here, Sylvia.
Post a Comment