This is in no way intended to minimize Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) or Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). You see, I am somewhere between these two. I have never been to a war to defend our country, only a war to defend myself. You cannot imagine the stress caused by someone standing over you with a knife saying, “I will kill you” if you do not do what I say. You cannot imagine being told how easy it would be to kill you while you sleep. You cannot imagine what it is like to be told, “I will stab you in the back and ram the knife all the way through to your chest while you sleep”. You cannot imagine what is feels like to have someone attempt to choke you. You cannot imagine what is feels like to be kicked, pushed, shoved, hit, hair pulled, knocked down, yelled at, told how worthless and rotten you are. You cannot imagine what it is like to be told “I will hunt you down and kill you, if you leave”. You cannot imagine the fear I felt and still feel at times. I do not have to imagine, because these things happened to me.
On September 14, 2007, I found the courage to escape for the third and final time. I will never go back to these things, no matter what. I will not be taken in again by his cunning ways. And if he does hunt me down and kill me so be it. I am not completely free of these things today, but it will not be long before I am. All things take time and I have time.
