Every time I read a news story about a woman gone missing and later read the story of the recovery of her body, I flash back to my husband and think that could have been me. I also think he could never have harmed me, could he. When he was sober, he told me loved me and would take care of me. When he was drinking, I was the scum of the earth and he told me he would kill me. Mixed messages. No way to know which was the truth but I suspect the version told when he was drinking was close to the truth since he never showed any emotion when sober. I know I did the right thing by leaving so my family and friends would never have to search for me or my body. I am not being overly dramatic, that is just the truth. No matter how mild mannered I think he was sober, when he drank there was a monster that appeared and that monster was capable of murder. He put up such a good front for his friends and others that few people would believe me when I told them things he did and said. In their eyes, I was the bad guy. It is not important what they think about me, I only wish they would open their eyes and see the truth about him and realize that I was not really the bad guy, he was.
This is a place to write about my addictions and their madness. I hope that by writing this journal, it may help others during their recovery and know that when I say I understand, I do.
2 comments:
i tend to agree with your version. based on my sisters and my friends ex-husbands, they are masters at the art of deluding the world of what is really happening and who they really are. you made the right decision. look after yourself first and foremost!
You did the right thing when you left. Men such as your husband have such control issues that things generally become more violent. You read things all the time about women being murdered by abusive men. I am glad you are away from it all. Stay safe. Stay strong. I am sure one day he will show his true colors to those who thing he is so great.
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